resume

Du må først beslutte hvorvidt du ønsker at skrive i datid eller nutid?

Første del er i nutid, så resten skal også være i nutid.
Jeg bliver meget glad hvis du kan hjælpe med det.

She decides to give him five rand.But William won`t accept it .He wants to clean the garden for the money that he wants to take from Lillian.When he is finish he wants the ten rand for the work he has done.Lillian says that she wants to ask her husband.She lies to him because her husband is dead.
William ....den sætning kan jeg ikke lige kringle.
When she comes back she says that she can´t give him the ten rand.He shall leave her house but he will not leave the house before he gets his money.
First she commands the dog after him and then she points the gun at him.He begins to run away.She takes a deep breath and then goes inside.
Du skal huske at passe på tiderne.

Her har jeg rettet det rent grammatiske og tiden, som du har valgt skal være nutid. Dog er jeg ind i mellem i tvivl om hvad du mener, og har derfor ikke kunne rette, da teksten er lidt usammenhængende. Et godt råd er at selv holde en lille pause med den, lufte tankerne. Læs den så igennem med nye øjne, og se om teksten hænger sammen, og tilføj en sætning eller to. Hellere lidt for meget end for lidt i det her tilfælde. Det er jo vigtigt at din læser er helt med på hvad du mener :)


She decides to give him five rand, but William doesn’t accept it; he wants to clean the garden for the money that he wants to take from Lillian. When he is finished, he wants ten rand for the work he has done. Lillian says that she will ask her husband. She says to him, because her husband was dead.

William is a stranger, who attempts to take advantage of the helplessness of a widow, who is old and not well protected from the strange world outside,
by using her husband’s name as a defence.
When she comes back, she says that she can’t give him ten rand. He is asked to leave her house, but he won’t leave before he is given his money.
First she commands the dog (to bite him), and then she points a gun towards him.
He runs away. She takes a deep breath and then she into the house.

vær opmærksom på parantsen til sidst, - hvad mener du med at hun "kommanderer hunden"? tilføj f.eks. de ekstra ord.

Held og lykke.

+ "rand", . er du sikker på at du ikke mener "grand", det betyder 1000 kr. :)

Tusind tak for hjælp.