Engelsk
årsprøve??karakter??
26. maj 2004 af
suzie (Slettet)
hej..jeg har lige været op på prøve i engelsk skriftlig..altså en årsprøve..jeg har lavet en essay og vil have andre til at kigge på den og sige jeres mening om hvad jeg burde få for den..både grammatisk og indholdsmæssigt..
Essay about “A birthday Remembered”
When someone has lost her mother she wants love from other people. Maybe from her father. But if her father does not have time to take care of the child and just thinks at the work and how to earn money, the child will look after someone else who can give her love that she need.
The story take place in a city in America in about 1980’ies. It is Valentine’s Day. The main characters in the story are Ellen, Tobie and Warrick. Tobie visits her aunt Ellen with her friend Warrick at Ellen’s birthday. They talk about different things. For instance Tobie’s mother, father and her friend Warrick.
Ellen who is one of the main characters in the story has birthday and therefore she gets visit from Tobie and her new friend Warrick. Tobie loves Ellen and see her like a mother. She gets love from Ellen because her mother is dead and her father does not have time to take care of her. “His main object in life seems to be to prove how much money he can make and keep” (page 2, line 72). Ellen loves her too and she takes care of her. They have a good relationship. Like a relationship a mother and a daughter can have.
Before Jackie’s (Tobies mother) dead, they live together. All tree. Jackie, Tobies and Ellen because Roger (Tobies father) and Jackie are married off. Now Tobie lives with her father.
Ellen has a good relationship to Jackie who is dead. They are always together. They have taken care of Tobie together. “The tree of them had survived thought the tumultuous stress of trying to make it...” (page 1, line 8). But Ellen’s relationship to Roger is not good. She hates him because he always thinks at money and she hates him because Jackie also does and because he does not spends time with her daughter and lets her work. “She couldn’t imagine Roger Ewing permitting his teen- aged daughter to work” (page 2, line 67).
When Tobie come with her friend, Ellen gets afraid. She does not want Tobie to have a boyfriend because she thinks she is too little. When Ellen asks her about Warrick is her boyfriend, she answers no. “Are you- serious about him? Ellen asked praying that she wasn’t. Not at this stage of youth almost fifteen” (page 3, line 97). Ellen reacts like this because she will be sure that Tobie likes the man she will marry and not ending like her mother and Roger.
The title of the essay “A Birthday Remembered” tells us something about what the story is about. For instance that Tobie remembers the birthday of Ellen. But there is also an important point, because Tobie see Ellen like his mother and her own mother is dead and when she comes to his birthday we can see that Ellen is like a mother to her. Another point is that there are symbols in the text. Birthday and dead. Someone people dies and other bourns.
Through the analyze we can see that parents play an important role. People without parent’s look after other people they can ask things about. Young people always needs someone who ought to show them what they have to do and not because young people cannot manage themselves.
gt..
Essay about “A birthday Remembered”
When someone has lost her mother she wants love from other people. Maybe from her father. But if her father does not have time to take care of the child and just thinks at the work and how to earn money, the child will look after someone else who can give her love that she need.
The story take place in a city in America in about 1980’ies. It is Valentine’s Day. The main characters in the story are Ellen, Tobie and Warrick. Tobie visits her aunt Ellen with her friend Warrick at Ellen’s birthday. They talk about different things. For instance Tobie’s mother, father and her friend Warrick.
Ellen who is one of the main characters in the story has birthday and therefore she gets visit from Tobie and her new friend Warrick. Tobie loves Ellen and see her like a mother. She gets love from Ellen because her mother is dead and her father does not have time to take care of her. “His main object in life seems to be to prove how much money he can make and keep” (page 2, line 72). Ellen loves her too and she takes care of her. They have a good relationship. Like a relationship a mother and a daughter can have.
Before Jackie’s (Tobies mother) dead, they live together. All tree. Jackie, Tobies and Ellen because Roger (Tobies father) and Jackie are married off. Now Tobie lives with her father.
Ellen has a good relationship to Jackie who is dead. They are always together. They have taken care of Tobie together. “The tree of them had survived thought the tumultuous stress of trying to make it...” (page 1, line 8). But Ellen’s relationship to Roger is not good. She hates him because he always thinks at money and she hates him because Jackie also does and because he does not spends time with her daughter and lets her work. “She couldn’t imagine Roger Ewing permitting his teen- aged daughter to work” (page 2, line 67).
When Tobie come with her friend, Ellen gets afraid. She does not want Tobie to have a boyfriend because she thinks she is too little. When Ellen asks her about Warrick is her boyfriend, she answers no. “Are you- serious about him? Ellen asked praying that she wasn’t. Not at this stage of youth almost fifteen” (page 3, line 97). Ellen reacts like this because she will be sure that Tobie likes the man she will marry and not ending like her mother and Roger.
The title of the essay “A Birthday Remembered” tells us something about what the story is about. For instance that Tobie remembers the birthday of Ellen. But there is also an important point, because Tobie see Ellen like his mother and her own mother is dead and when she comes to his birthday we can see that Ellen is like a mother to her. Another point is that there are symbols in the text. Birthday and dead. Someone people dies and other bourns.
Through the analyze we can see that parents play an important role. People without parent’s look after other people they can ask things about. Young people always needs someone who ought to show them what they have to do and not because young people cannot manage themselves.
gt..
Svar #2
26. maj 2004 af tbjorn (Slettet)
Tro jeg ville give 6-(7) for den. En del elementære grammatiske fejl.
Svar #3
26. maj 2004 af Symmanine (Slettet)
Grammatikken halter lidt hist og her som #2 også skriver. Jeg synes at der er lige lovlig mange korte og konstaterende sætninger.. prøv at "binde" sproget mere sammen. Andre steder synes jeg sproget virker "knudret" og nogle af sætninger direkte mystiske:
"But there is also an important point, because Tobie see Ellen like his mother and her own mother is dead and when she comes to his birthday we can see that Ellen is like a mother to her".
"Young people always needs someone who ought to show them what they have to do and not because young people cannot manage themselves"
Jeg savner en "rigtig indledning" og afslutning på essayet...
Mht til indholdet så ved jeg ikke helt.. kender jo ikke oplægget. Umiddelbart synes jeg det grænser til det referende? Men, ellers okay.
Men, ellers virker det som om at du har forstået teksten, og dens temaer bliver også behandlet.
Jeg ville ikke give mere end 7 for den her... den er nok tættere på 6. Så det er også mit bud.
"But there is also an important point, because Tobie see Ellen like his mother and her own mother is dead and when she comes to his birthday we can see that Ellen is like a mother to her".
"Young people always needs someone who ought to show them what they have to do and not because young people cannot manage themselves"
Jeg savner en "rigtig indledning" og afslutning på essayet...
Mht til indholdet så ved jeg ikke helt.. kender jo ikke oplægget. Umiddelbart synes jeg det grænser til det referende? Men, ellers okay.
Men, ellers virker det som om at du har forstået teksten, og dens temaer bliver også behandlet.
Jeg ville ikke give mere end 7 for den her... den er nok tættere på 6. Så det er også mit bud.
Svar #5
26. maj 2004 af Mokkasmølf (Slettet)
Du får alligevel nogle ret interessante pointer med. 7, tror jeg.
Svar #6
26. maj 2004 af starF (Slettet)
Hehe ligner du skriver noter? Sætningerne er meget korte og sproget er meget almen! Det tyder på, at man ikke hersker det engelske sprog.
Svar #7
26. maj 2004 af Kasper (Slettet)
6 - sprogligt : Grammatiske fejl. Mange dårlige ordvalg og de lange sætninger har en tendens til at blive uforstålige.
Indholdsmæssigt kunne den sagtens komme op på et højere abstraktionsniveau.
Jeg har skrevet om den samme novelle, den hed dog "Valentine's Day" ?
Indholdsmæssigt kunne den sagtens komme op på et højere abstraktionsniveau.
Jeg har skrevet om den samme novelle, den hed dog "Valentine's Day" ?
Svar #8
04. juni 2004 af Agnethe (Slettet)
Først og fremmest: hvilket niveau har du engelsk på? Det er jo væsentligt om det er B eller A-niveau.
Du har mange kongruens-fejl. Du er temmelig inkonsekvent mht at bruge "s-endelserne".
Det første cítat kommer lidt umotiveret synes jeg, og uden en forklaring på hvorfor det er der, og hvad du vil sige med det.
Du har egentlig et pænt ordforråd, men desværre også en del stavefejl. Måske skulle du lægge ordbogen lidt på hylden og holde dig til simplere konstuktioner for at begrænse dine fejlmarginer.
Jeg vil ikke sætte et egentligt tal på, men det er nok som andre brugere har vurderet.
Håber du kan bruge min (forhåbentlig konstruktive) kritik!
Mvh Agnethe
Du har mange kongruens-fejl. Du er temmelig inkonsekvent mht at bruge "s-endelserne".
Det første cítat kommer lidt umotiveret synes jeg, og uden en forklaring på hvorfor det er der, og hvad du vil sige med det.
Du har egentlig et pænt ordforråd, men desværre også en del stavefejl. Måske skulle du lægge ordbogen lidt på hylden og holde dig til simplere konstuktioner for at begrænse dine fejlmarginer.
Jeg vil ikke sætte et egentligt tal på, men det er nok som andre brugere har vurderet.
Håber du kan bruge min (forhåbentlig konstruktive) kritik!
Mvh Agnethe
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