Hjælp til det grammatiske i min ansøgning..

Jeg har rettet ansøgningen igennem både med blik for semantik, syntaks, retorik og grammatik. Fordi jeg ret meget har omskrevet, orker jeg ikke at redegøre for hver enkelt rettelse, men jeg håber, at mine rettelser alligevel er brugbare (selvom de næppe er særlig pædagogiske). 

Skulle du have spørgsmål om noget konkret, så spørg.

Her er mit forslag. Det er skrevet med en antagelse om, at modtageren er englænder (ikke skotte eller noget tredje), at du arbejdede som rengøringsdame indtil for nyligt, og at du arbejdede på tanken, mens du gik i gymansiet:

Dear Mr. ******

I wish to apply for the vacancy as a carer as it is advertised at jobindex.dk.

I am a 20 year-old woman, and I have graduated from college this summer.

It is stated in the advert that you are looking for a carer who possesses drive, as well as a desire to learn. I find that drive, adaptability and curiosity are some of my core personality traits, and they are my strengths, as well.

Untill quite recently, I have held a summer job as a cleaner at a holiday camp for kindergarten and grade school children, and I have worked at a petrol station for three years while at college. --- INDFØJ GERNE NOGET MED PERSONLIGE ERFARINGER RELEVANTE FOR JOBBET SOM HANDICAPHJÆLPER ; RENGØRING OG TANKPASSER ER IKKE VOLDSOMT RELEVANT :-) --- Through my personal experiences and work-life, I think that I have gained experiences and competencies which are relevant when working as a carer.

Currently, I am planning on having a gap year before pursuing further education. I wish to spend it in the United Kingdom to improve my English and experience British life and culture. Therefore, I am first and foremost looking for a position for about a year.

I can be reached at any time via email at ********* or telephone at +45 *******.

I thank you in advance for the time spent on examining my application. I am looking forward to hear from you. 

Sincerely
******************

Dear Mr. ******

I (wish) would like  to apply for the vacancy as a carer as (it is) advertised at jobindex.dk.

I am a 20 year-old woman (, and I have graduated) graduate from college this summer.

(It is stated in the advert that you are looking) In the advert the need for a carer (who possesses) with drive, as well as a desire to learn is emphasised,(.) and I (find) believe that drive, adaptability and curiosity are (some of my core) distinctive qualities of my personality (traits), (and they are my strengths, as well) ............being both my strong and weak points.

Untill quite recently(,) I (have held a summer jo) worked as a cleaner (at) in a holiday camp for (kindergarten and grade) pre-school and primary  school children, and for 36 months I had a job  (I have worked) at a petrol station (for three years while at college) whilst also going to university. --- INDFØJ GERNE NOGET MED PERSONLIGE ERFARINGER RELEVANTE FOR JOBBET SOM HANDICAPHJÆLPER ; RENGØRING OG TANKPASSER ER IKKE VOLDSOMT RELEVANT :-) --- (Through my personal experiences and work-life The experience from both my personal and my working life makes me believe I am a suitable candidate for the responsible job as a carer.(, I think that I have gained experiences and competencies which are relevant when working as a carer.)

(Currently, I am planning on having) My present plans are to enjoy a gap year before pursuing further education. I wish to spend it in the United Kingdom to improve my English and to (experience) become acquainted with  British life and culture. (Therefore, I am first and foremost looking for a position for about a year) This is why I am looking for a time limited job of, say, 12 months..

(I can be reached at any time) Please don't hesitate to contact me  via email at ********* or telephone at +45 *******.

(I t)Thank you in advance for (the time spent on examining) considering my application. I (am) look(ing) forward very much to hearing from you in the near future.

Sincerely, (NB.  komma !!)
******************

Hello English expert

Being an expert in the field of English language studies and anglophone culture (and a person who has read pop social science about Britain which trully consolidates your status as an infallible authority), you must know that "college" is typically a name for an institution of secondary education in the United Kingdom, a place where people sit their A-level exams, although the term appears as a name of various university faculties and for instance UCL.

This phenomenon is comparable to the existence of something called Harvard Law School, various "Medical Schools" and something called Copenhagen Business School, all of which are institutions of higher learning using a generic term for a scholastic institution. A person is, though, not very likely to say that he or she graduated from "school" -- without adjectives -- when refering to their university studies in a context which does not reveal what "school" is.

Furthermore, being an attentive and extraordinarily intelligent person, you must have noticed that the applicant in question has never been enrolled at a institution of higher learning, so your "improvements" are erroneous, misleading and without any thought for context or the message or interests of #0.

Let's cut the crap. Your corrections are mostly redundant and irrelevant as a critique of a rudimentary draft which attempts to present a possible discourse which is true to the main points of the applicants original text and which deliberately lets grammatically correct and completely understandable, albeit Danish language-inspired, wordings and expressions, remain in the draft instead of deviating into irrelevant self-gratifiction via thesaurus. You are not even able to address an obvious logical/rhetorical flaw in the composition of the text.

Please, do yourself and everyone else a favour and stop spamming the internet with your attention-seeking and passive aggressive nonsense which fills half of the Danish-language internet from Information.dk to God-knows-where. I certainly hope that you are a troll. If that is not true, I trully feel sorry for you and anyone who somehow is forced to have a relation to you.

Ak ja, -lær du hellere at skrive og stave engelsk, i stedet for at tumle rundt i noget halvfordøjet amerikansk, før du forsøger at optræde på slap line. Man smiler blot ad dig.

It does not bear any relevance for anyone that I speak ''half-digested American'', whatever that is supposed to mean. Maybe I should be happy that I am no longer accused of homophobia and a limited vocabulary, because you are unable to interpret humor, even when it contains direct Monty Python references and is otherwise completely absurd. But actually: I don't care.

It is questionable whether it is appropriate talking about half-digestedness of sorts, when one is not even able to read and interpret a text one is translating/editing, and when one does not even know the UK education system while allegedly holding a degree in English and presenting oneself as someone possessing superior knowledge on British society (tragicomically refering to dull and discredited pop science to support one's position). I am starting to believe that you perhaps don't actually have the competences you try giving the impression of having.

You are a joke. A bitter self-centred troll with an inflated ego, notoriously passive-aggressive and belligerent, and notoriously adding nothing constructive to most discussions you are involved in. The typical contribution is nitpicking irrelevant for the discussion, ad hominem, truistic moralism or some sort of summaric remark about a given subject which seldom bears real relevance for the discussion at hand and most often functions as some sort of attempt towards intellectual exhibitionism of a sort which is typical for pretentious high school students and immature teenage undergraduates. A quick Google search reveals this clear pattern of petty conflict.

I don't really care much about your trolling (I still hope trolling is the motivation behind your behavior). But, nonwithstanding whatever actually is provoking your constant bickering, I must say that the final product is annoying and pathetic. The only imaginable reason for participation in any further discussion with you is utilising you as subject for verbal abuse.

Helledusseda.