Engelsk... Er der mange fejl?

Hey... Er der nogen der vil kigge / rette på min engelsk stil..?
påforhånd mange tak!
mvh JS

"Amina is a Pakistani girl who lives in England with her parents. Her father has a shop with long opening hours and both him and Amina’s mother work in the shop, so Amina spends a lot of time by her self in a room at the back of the shop.
She goes to an English school where she is the only immigrant in her class.

The story is about Amina’s confrontation with the double life a child of immigrants often has to live, because their parents and their school represent two different aspects of life and religion. She is being confronted with this when she in school gets an assignment, which is to draw a picture of Mary and Baby Jesus. And of course Amina does what the teacher tells her to. Unknowing about it is conflicting with her, (her parents’), religion.

It is obvious that Amina is the only immigrant in the class, because it says in the text: “the white faces of twenty-four Marys looked down from the wall on the brown face of Amina’s picture”. I am sure that this is an indirect way of telling us the color of the pupils’ own faces.

It is obvious that the color of Mary’s face at Amina’s picture also is the reason why her picture cannot be placed on the wall among the others. The teacher lies to Amina by saying her picture is too good to put on the wall where it gets dusty and fade. She says to Amina that she can bring it home as a special treat and show it to her parents. But the actual reason is that she does not like the slightly dusky color of Mary.

When Amina’s mother, Mrs. Iqbal, sees the picture she tears it across, but she is still kind to her. She asks Amina why she has drawn this and Amina tells her the story of the Baby Jesus and Mary. Mrs. Iqbal’s first reaction is “you must never let your father know this!” As if the most terrible thing would be if he got to know about this. And then she teaches Amina about the Koran and that she is not allowed to draw people and especially not the Prophet from Nazareth and his mother!

In school when the teacher wants her to draw the picture again, Amina tells her that she does not draw people. The teacher gets upset and tells her to do so anyway. After a short discussion Amina obeys her teacher, she draws Mary and Jesus again, even though she is aware of that it is against the rules of her own religion and the rules of her parents.

She brings a picture with her home, but she drops it into the bin outside the shop because now she is aware that there are some things she has to keep in school and not bring with her home, and some things she has to keep at home and not bring to school.

This is the point in Amina’s life where she is being confronted with the double life she has to live from now on, because she knows that she can not obey, both her family/religion and the school/society she now lives in, at the same time.