Er der nogen der vil se min engelsk stil fra studentereksamen igennem og bedømme den til en karakter

Heyy!

jeg var til studentereksamen(STX)i skriftlig engelsk B niveau i går.Jeg valgte at skrive om opgave A, som handlede om "the smoking ban" i England Jeg tænkte på om der er nogle herinde, som ville læse den og bedømme den til en karakter.

På forhånd tak

mvh
Gökhan

Her er min stil:
Smoking

1)
The texts, “Benefits of smoke ban will be felt at once” by Robin Mckie, which is an article from The Observer website, July 1, 2007, “Is this the end of English literature?” by A. N. Wilson that is a comment from The Daily Telegraph website, August 20, 2007 and “Another victory for Britain’s insufferable paternalists” by Simon Jenkins, which is a comment from The Guardian website, February 15, 2006, focus on the smoking ban that came into effect in Britain on July 1, 2007.
Text 1 says that the smoking ban will help to improve the population’s health. It also says that temporary smoking ban imposed in 2002 in Helena, Montana has decreased the number of heart attacks by 40 per cent compared with other years (l. 6-8). “Nature” that is an international journal of science stresses that between 1988 and 2002, rates of lung and bronchial cancer declined four times faster in California than in the rest of the United States because of a series of draconian bans. There also are examples that show the fall of heart attacks in Italy and several cities in Colorado after the bans. The text emphasizes that it will be illegal to smoke in virtually all enclosed public places and workplaces. In addition owners and managers of pubs, clubs ect. can get fines up to £2,500 if they allow customers to smoke on their promises. The text also has an important point, where it says that it is not only the smokers who will get a better health, but also the non-smokers. It also point out that even though the smoking ban comes into force, there will still be smokers and millions of early deaths in coming years (l. 37-39).
Text 2 says that smoking in England is a part of English literature. A. N. Wilson stresses that all the great English poets or novelists of the 17th, 18th, 19th, 20th centuries were smokers, for example Oscar Wilde, Henry James, Joseph Conrad ect. The author finds it very natural to smoke, and says that almost all the bars are empty because of the smoking ban. He criticizes the people of England because they have accepted a ban on their private pleasures ( l. 48-50). A. N. Wilson feels that this attack on basic liberty is not the end of smoking, but of English literature.
Text 3’s main thesis is that the government has enhanced central control against local option. Simon Jenkins says that the government has restricted the English people’s liberty by banning a part of their private life. He criticizes the government because they have banned smoking, and not drug and alcohol, which is much worse than smoking. The author says indirectly that the people of England cannot trust the government anymore, because they have used central control.
The first text appeals to one’s reason (logos), because it emphasize that if we not stop smoking, more and more people will get a bad health or die.
The second text appeals to one’s feelings/emotions (pathos), because it says that smoking is a part of the English history, tradition, identity, literature ect. That is to say, if you ban smoking, you also will lose all these things.
The third text appeals to one’s morality (ethos), because it point out that by banning smoking, the government has not been democratic and they have offended the people’s human rights.

2)
Simon Jenkins has used a lot of exaggerations and irony in text 3. Already in the title of the text “Another victory for Britain’s insufferable paternalists” shows that he has a sense of humour. When I read the title I thought that he was follower of the group, who wants smoking banned, but it turned out to be ironic. Another example of irony is in line 42-45. As mentioned the author has also used exaggerations, for instance from line 1-3 where MP’s sounds is compared with monsters. Another example of exaggeration is from line 4-7. But also from line 16-17 and line 22-24. I don’t agree with Jenkins’ exaggeration, because he cannot see that smoking does not only harm oneself, but also one’s fellow beings. In return I agree with him where he says that alcohol and drug are not banned, even though they are much worse than smoking.

3)
Smoking has always been discussed. But the smokers do not care about it, even though it says on the packs of cigarettes that smoking is bad for one’s health. I interpret that the message of text 1, is that society has a responsibility to prevent people from smoking, while the two other texts says that it is up to the individual to decide. In my opinion it is very good that Gordon Brown shows initiative to such a very big problem, but honestly I do not think it will help to stop smoking. Smoking is a part of people’s life because it is a tradition to smoke, when you are sittings with friends in a club, with your family in holidays and so on. It is difficult to avoid people from smoking because they are dependent of it. I think that society have to help smokers, who want to stop by treatments. I am not against smoking, it is up to the individual to decide, but still we have to be considerate and not to smoke in front of people, who do not smoke. In return we all have a responsibility not to smoke in front of our children and to avoid children less than 16 years old to smoke because it is not good for their health.