Engelsk stil ( 7 klasse ) vil du læse?

Hei:-) jeg havde en stil for sidste år i 7 klasse, skrev den i 7 klasse.. (læren gav nemlig ik karakter ,men han skrev kun vurderinger fordi sidste år skulle vi ik have karakter for dem).......

 hvis du vil så læs den....vil gerne vide hvad i/du mener om den og hvad i/du syntes og hvad i/du vil give som vurdering eller karakter:-P sådan skulle jeg skrive teksten:

- Write at Text about a criminal

- It can be either someone you imagine or someone you know
- What does he/she do?
- how would you help him/her?

God fornøjelse med at læse den....

På forhånd tak:-)

The lonely child
Once in a dark night, in a poor town, there was a woman and she born a little boy. She could not take care of him, so she left him in an orphanage. And she said to those adults in the orphanage, the name of her baby. William was the name of the new-born baby. William grew up without a family and love. In the orphanage, the adults were strict. So William decided to leave the orphanage. In the night he leave the orphanage, and no one knew he leave them. Then he began to steal food because he was hungry. Once in a day he stole 1.000 dollar. The day after he saw a bike, and then he stole it. The police ran after him and then caught him. But William kicked the police man between his legs. Then he ran away. Now William became a criminal he hit children’s who gets in his way. One day he broke a window house. And he got in the house and smashed all the things. Then the police came and caught him, and put him in a children cell. Then came a woman and a man who were married, and wanted a boy. They adopted William and now he has a family. The parents would change him to a good boy to give him their love and happiness. As son he changed and became a good boy. He goes to school now and has many friends, he loves his new family, and they love him. Finally the love and happiness broke his cruelty. Now he feels that he is the luckiest boy in the whole world. What could be better than to have a family and a good life? The answer is nothing he got everything he needed!

Min læres mening/vurdering:  Sådan! Du har skrevet en god og gribende historie. Den er troværdig og du besvare på alle punkterne I opgavebeskrivelsen.
Du har ik mange fejl, men ret de få der.
Rigtig flot arbejde – bliv ved med det!