Rettelse af stil

Hej jeg ville være rigtig glad hvis nogle vil læse og evt. rette min stil og give en vurdering (karakter)og evt. skrive hvad der kan forbedres. På forhånd tak:

Once upon a time

Once upon a time before the title even was mentioned, before the dawn of justice and the bravery of heroes. The world was a big and dark void and the Ice Age was for million of years under a lone beacon, far below the miles of frozen moisture. It was a time of black magic and prosperity, where the rich suppressed the poor and safety was just a square line border from a lifeline. People lived and died in bond ice, and those who did not serve a purpose were left by the grizzling hand of fate to survive dark times. All in between this madness was a boy named Edgy. He was a boy who sought out tales of might and majestic. He was spirited, fool hearty and afraid of nothing. One day when he was out skipping stones across the mould, he found a pan: A golden pan. It reflected and was brightly led by beams from the cold moon. At first he was surprised of his new discovery and wondered how it ended down here on the earth. At variety points and locations of the pan it was dusty, so edgy wanted to clean it. Therefore he rubbed it, and suddenly a flickering light came and stardust surrounded him. A small elf man appeared very thankfully, for being unleashed from his crimson jail. Who are you? Asked Edgy and stood with his mouth wide open and looked excited The elf man answered: I am from a land far away, and many hundred years ago during the first age, a woman with scar less veils cursed me to this pan. She is a seductive lady and with a possession of a challis. To keep herself ever young, she draws youth from trees, earth, wind and souls and makes them fit to her own cruelty and malice to dominate. Her name is Dharma, but anyway, I am happy that you set me free, so I will make you three wishes, but only three. These wishes are not just magic wishes, but aftermath of the effect will leave you with amnesia, so choose your wishes carefully, because some of your memories may be lost forever. Edgy at first that wished he had never found the pan, but on the other hand, he could do some good with his wishes and bring some life and light into the world of darkness. So with a silent tremble in his voice, he said: Well Mr. elf man, my first wish is that Dharma had a heart. Out of the blue a storm wind of emotions rose up and it went for Dharma. It travelled many miles to find her. And when it did, it punched its way through her heart. She shed a tear, and the teardrop hit the ground. From every drop that fell, a bright light source broke the dark void. Dharma melted slowly, through the stony floor and soon she was never more. A whole new perspective had influenced the world, and now daylight had found its way into the dark. Edgy had never seen the light, or discovered sunlight, but now that he saw it, he could not see how we could live without it. Edgy still had two wishes left. His second wish was that would get his parents and sister back, who all were killed by Dharma two years ago. The elf man clapped his hands three times and suddenly appeared his family again. Edgy was more happy than ever before to see them. He could not believe that he would see them again but here they were. He thanked the elf man thousand times, before he reminded him that he still had one last wish. He wanted the last wish to be something special. Fortunately Edgy had not lost any of his memory yet or any feelings of incantation. Edgy wanted to be someone special, and wished: "make me the storyteller of the future heroes to come and do battle to fight against all that is evil and unjust. Let the whole world be shifted into a world of order and bravery." The elf man shook his head: "Well I am not the future clairvoyant, but if that is your final request, I will fur fill it, and get my freedom." The elf man clapped his hands three times again, and in Edgy's right hand appeared a pencil and in the left hand, scraps of paper. "Now go out in the world, and find the secrets of Magical, the realm of the first magical world." The elf man said happily. "Take care elf man and enjoy your freedom" said Edgy. He clapped his hands three times and vanished again.


So begins the stories of unknown kingdoms, riches, fairytales about heroes and bravery. Edgy wrote them all down for the future world to read. He became the heart and soul of fairytales and legends...

He will look back and say, once upon a time!!