Rettelse af stil

Er der nogen der kan se nogle fejl i denne meget spændende stil:

The day had taken its last breath as the night was born out of the dusk. A group of high school students was starting, what was to be a long night. The boys were in dinner jackets and the girls were in big puffy skirts or long sleek and sexy dresses. It was prom night and the spirit was high in expectation of a magical night. The clique was at the pre-prom-party. All in all they were 9 close friends, 4 boys and 5 girls. They were drinking, laughing and kissing – so everything seemed to be in perfect order.

Across town in a small, dark basement a pair of green eyes was staring out of the darkness. They belonged to a young woman, named Helen, who also was going to have a big night. This prom night was her chance of revenge. Only a year ago, she had been transferred into a new high school. This change had been the worst day of her live, but it was only to get worse. From the first day she had stepped into the school, she had felt cold eyes and hateful looks. She had been an outcast with whom nobody would even talk to, but this night she was going to make them all pay and suffer as much as she had.

The pre-prom-party had moved location and was now arriving at the prom. One of the girls was having trouble with her home-made dress and another was already drunk. What none of them had noticed, was the pair of green eyes that was following all their moves closely. Slowly the green-eyed shadow moved across the back of the room and slipped unnoticed into the ladies room. The sound and stench of vomiting filled the room, and in one of the stalls was Katie (one of the guests at the mentioned pre-prom-party) with her head in the toilet. In the misery Katie didn’t notice Helen’s hand on her shoulder, before it was too late. She felt as if an electrical current went through her and immediately her heart started to pound violently. Before she knew it, she wasn’t in the ladies room anymore. She was standing on the roof of a tall building very close to the edge, looking down on the streets. No matter which way she turned, all she could see was the ground 5 storeys below her feet. She could feel the wind starting to blow, and the edge, on which she was balancing, grow smaller. Suddenly, she lost her balance and started to fall towards the ground.

While this episode took place, another suspicious scene took place. Joze (another guest at the mentioned pre-prom-party) was on the dance floor. With the beat of the music she felt her knees tremble and give away under her. She got up from the floor and saw the entire school standing around her. They were all laughing and pointing at her and making fun of her. She looked down and saw that her dress had disappeared. She was standing, naked as the day she was born, in the middle of the dance floor. She still saw everybody staring at her.

This was two detailed descriptions of Helen’s actions. After the prom nobody from the mentioned pre-prom-party was without prints on their minds. It had been a busy night for Helen. She was tired but satisfied. Her pests had gotten what they had deserved. She felt that justice had been done and her world would be a much happier place. Putting her head on the pillow she closed her green eyes and fell into a peaceful sleep. She took a terrible revenge.