Engelsk
Kritik på et referat af "Ice Cream"
Hej Studieportalen
Jeg mangler noget kritik på et referat. Da referatet maks. må indeholde 150 ord, så kan det godt virke lidt kortfattet.
Summary of “Ice Cream”
In 2000 Helen Dunmore wrote a short story called “Ice Cream”, and its theme is about choosing a new direction in life.
It’s Clara’s 24th birthday. Clara is in an expensive restaurant; she is struggling with an urge for ice cream. She had previously had trouble with her weight. Now, thanks to Elise, who is Clara’s personal trainer, Clara is the biggest model in the fashion business. She gives in to the urge and asks a waiter to bring her the delicious dessert that she wants so bad, but Elise, who is also at party, tries to change her mind. The other models at the party quickly chip in with their own advice on the matter. One of the models proposes vomiting as a solution; another suggests taking speed; and finally Elise suggests spitting the delicious ice cream out again, however, it is all in vain.
På forhånd tak.
Svar #1
17. september 2012 af Kulka (Slettet)
Hvis du ikke kan konkretisere dit tema yderligere, så drop det. Et tema skal være kort, præcist og rammende, og det synes jeg næppe, at dit er, efter at have læst dit summary.
I øvrigt er det ualmindeligt at indlede et summary med "in 2000 Helen Dunmore wrote...". Datoen der er skrevet oftest er udgivelsesdatoen. En bedre måde at starte på er simpelt og kort: The short story "Ice Cream" by Helen Dunmore, published in 2000 deals with ...... Prøv desuden at gå mere i dybden med teksten og være mere konkret med dit summary. Hvem er Clara? (the protagonist) - hvad er hendes problemstilling? Hvad vælger hun? Hvad ender det med?
Man kan ikke adskille sammensatte verber: Previously, she had had trouble with her weight.. Eller she had had trouble with her weight before (before vil jeg nok foretrække - for dit previously har ikke noget at "gå tilbage til.")
biggest => greatest (or more popular?)
Fashion business => fashion industry.
Jeg synes, dit summary mangler en afrunding, men nu kender jeg jo ikke teksten. I din revideringsproces vil jeg nok også prøve at undgå så mange ledsætninger som muligt. Det virker kaotisk (disponering?) og forstyrrende for læseren. Det var lige, hvad jeg hurtigt kunne skimme igennem, inden jeg smutter på arbejde her om lidt. Håber, det giver mening. :)
Skriv et svar til: Kritik på et referat af "Ice Cream"
Du skal være logget ind, for at skrive et svar til dette spørgsmål. Klik her for at logge ind.
Har du ikke en bruger på Studieportalen.dk?
Klik her for at oprette en bruger.