rettelser

The short story 'A Gap of sky' is written as a 3rd person narrative by Anna Hope in 2008. The protagonist in the short story is Ellie. She is a 19 year old girl who lives in London. She is taking a course at University College of London, however, she is not doing too well. She has a hard time trying to keep up with the course, and because of that she might be expelled. The problems she has at school are probably due to her lifestyle. She is wasting her weekends on drugs and partying, instead of making her homework.

Det er faktisk udemærket skrevet.

Er det en oversættelse fra dansk til engelsk?

Jeg ved ikke med 'might be expelled', might er som regel også mere brugt i håbefulde/positive sammenhæng, fx I might get the job.

Mange tak^^

....og nej, det er en stil (et essay) jeg er igang med at skrive.

Okay,

Så ville jeg faktisk foreslå at prøve at skrive længere sætninger.
Som der skrives nu er det små korte sætninger. Det har den fordel, at det minimerer fejl.
Men det flyder bedre med lidt længere sætninger, og demonstrerer bedre overblik over sproget.

F.eks. kunne du skrive nogle af dine sætninger sammen:

The protagonist in the short story is Ellie. She is a 19 year old girl who lives in London. She is taking a course at University College of London, however, she is not doing too well. She has a hard time trying to keep up with the course, and because of that she might be expelled.

kunne laves om til:

The story follows Ellie, a 19 year old girl, who lives in London where she is taking a course at University College of London. However, she is not doing too well as she has a hard time trying to keep up with the course, and because of that she is in danger of being expelled.

Det står lidt skarpere på den måde, og føles mere imponerende og mere flydende at læse.

Det har du ret i, det lyder meget bedre. Jeg vil prøve at lave nogle længere fremover, men jeg er ikke særlig god til at formulere mig.

Mange tak skal du have for hjælpen^__^

Du er faktisk udemærket til at formulere dig.

Du skal bare øve dig mere i at slå de små sætninger sammen.

I stedet for at beholde de mange små sætninger med  "she is 19 years", "she is working", "she is living" osv. så skal du bare øve dig i at se, hvor de kan slås sammen henne....

Tak, det vil jeg gøre fremover^^

Udmærket, ikke udemærket, og desuden hedder det nineteen-year-old girl. Bemærk bindestregerne.