Engelsk stil 400 ord hjælp til rettelse? :)

Jeg har ikke læst hele din stil fuldkommen igennem, men allerede ved første øjekast finder jeg et par fejl. Du skal huske at skrive "jeg" med stort i. Jeg kan se, at du et par steder har gjort det, men det skal altså skrives med stort alle steder. En anden ting: dine sætninger er simpelthen for lange, og du indsætter kommaer de forkerte steder. Din tekst giver mere mening, hvis du gør dine sætninger korte.

Hej :-) 

Jeg har rettet lidt på din stil :-)

Der hvor jeg har rettet er markeret med den tykke skrift :-)

Jeg håber det vil hjælpe, selvom du allerede har afleveret stilen :-) !

In Gil’s Own Words

To Gil Alicea
South bronx, New York

Hello Gill. My name is MIT NAVN im from Denmark. I have just turned sixteen this December, and i live with both of my parents and my older brother.
I have just read your story, and it touched my heart very much and i really felt sorry for you, since you have to go through a tough childhood with a lot of problems, fights and you're mothers death. If it was my mother, that had passed away, I don’t think I could make a day work out, and I would probably have cried and gotten sad all the time, and i think you are very strong, and you sound like a good kid.
You have given me some amazing advice. Fx. that I have to love my parents, and you are definitely right about: ’’one day my parents could be okay and the next day i could lose them’’ and that is so true, i should be grateful to my parents!
Here is my advice for you:
Dont give up on your life, just because of your past. Use that as motivation to push harder, and I know you are going through a hard time in your life right now or probably not, but just think about your own life, and your opportunities. Make your mother, and your father proud and don’t end up like some of those random people who are in jail. Just love the people that love you and care about you.                                                                                               I’m glad to hear that you just pushed the Suicide attempt out of your mind. Suicide is a horrible thought to have on your mind.

I have also read that you liked to fight when you were younger. I hope you have stopped fighting, I know it's typical to say, but violence does not solve problems. Hopefully, you have learned it.

But when I fight, I only fight for fun with my friends or brother. So I fight rarely but unfortunately it is always me who loses.

I could not imagine myself in a real fight. Maybe if the person have been pissing me off but fights are not me,
so i hope you have read my letter, and could use or think about my advices and i hope it will go well in the future.
 

I am from Denmark.

I have just turned 16 in December.

If it has been my mother, who had passed away.

I would probably have been crying.

Don't give up on...

Suicide is a horrible thought to have in mind.

I also read that you liked to fight when you were younger.

When I fight, I only do it for fun.

Lille note: I skrives med stort. Måneder(December) skrives med stort.

Advice kan både være flertal/ental

One advice.

two advice.