Engelsk rettelse(stil)- skal afleveres imorgen!

Jeg går i 9.klasse og har skrevet en stil om en halvkriminel mand. Den er lidt lang, men jeg håbede på, at der var nogen, der lige ville skimme den igennem for fejl, inden den skal afleveres imorgen. Og evt. lige vedlægge kommentar, hvis der er noget fuldkommen usammenhængende. Jeg håber meget I vil hjælpe! På forhånd mange tak- Her er den:

Continuation of the story "proved innoncent"

I entered the apartment, which my mother had provided me while I was in jail. A little, dark hall and a few, cold rooms was everything I had now. But that was enough for me. It was in the same neighbourhood as I lived in, before I went to jail, but still it was like moving into a new one. Nothing seemed familiar, except from the fact that everything still seemed as the same slum district, I had always lived in. The poorest part of Belfast, the Lower Falls. I sat down in a green, old armchair. Just thought about how wonderful everything was now. I had just been released. Now I could do everything I wanted, without having to ask for permission. I could follow all of the dreams I’d ever dreamt of. Nothing would ever stop me. I was finally free. Suddenly I felt exaggeratedly keen and had to smoke a cigarette to calm down. I took the matches from my pocket, which I had bought together with some alcohol on my way over to my new apartment. I stroke a match, and in that very moment I felt ecstatic. A light in the dark. I knew that there was hope ahead. I knew that I would get a long, happy life, and that I would never end up in jail again. There would be no more stealing and soon I would start educating, get a nice job and forever move out of Belfast. After I smoked the cigarette, I decided to go for a walk, as there was no television in the apartment. It was quite annoying, because I had really been looking forward to finally being able to watch the racing. I also wanted to see, if the United won the game yesterday, but instead I decided to go around the quarter, and get some new social connections. I had no more friends, because no one had kept in touch with me, besides my family. I went down the stairway. On my way down, I met a young mother carrying her child. I smiled at her, but she just glared at me and stepped away, as if I had just murdered her husband. The look in her eyes expressed a feeling, as if she was scared. I didn’t care so much, but the next few people I met on the street also gave me a horrible glance. One even shouted “Muderer! I don’t want to live in the block with a member of IRA! You bombed Guilford! I know! Move to the other side of the block! Murderer”

Why were people ignoring and expelling me? Had they seen me on television?? Did they know who I was? What I’d been accused for? There was nothing to do, but ignore the fact, that people obviously hated me. I hadn’t done anything wrong, besides a little stealing, but that was 15 years ago. I knew I’d changed. I was walking on the street in the yellow light from the old streetlamp, just looking down the pavement. Every now and then I took my hands out of my pocket and smoked a cigarette, while I would be looking up to see, if there were anyone I could recognize from the time before I went to jail, but I saw no one recognizable. Suddenly I heard a voice from behind. “Gerry Conlon old mate” said a shifty, rough voice. I was chocked, but tried not to seem too surprised, as I turned around, facing a tall, slighter build man, around my age. At first I didn’t recognize him, but then I realized that it was my very old friend, Ethan McHunter, whom I had known since I was 17 years old. “Hello good friend” I said, pleased to finally meet someone I was able to recognize, but the happiness didn’t last for long. “You owe me Conlon. Remember?” he whispered while he approached “£ 1000”. “Pay before the day after tomorrow or I swear I’ll kill you”. “But…” I uttered and Ethan grabbed me by my collar, took a pace forward, kicked out and hit me hard on my left eye. For a second I was blinded and dizzy. Felt like I was in a black world. Then the ache suddenly came. “You’ve got 48 hours Conlon. 48. I will be back”. I didn’t know what to say, I was paralyzed. I would never be able to pay back the money I owed him. I had completely forgotten about my debt, which was understandable as it was 15 years ago. I had to do something. And I had to act fast, because Ethan was a tough guy and I was quite convinced that he would kill me, if I didn’t pay back my debt. I ran. Just ran away. Wanted to run back into jail. Before I went out of jail I had all these assumptions and expectations to my new life, but they were already cracking.

I must have been racing because before I thought more, I sat in my armchair again. I was just gazing on nothing, sitting all alone in the silence. I was lost in thoughts, but still nothing was coming through my mind. I thought Ethan would’ve been happy to see me again, but obviously I never really knew him. I was starring out the window, wondering what to do. I wouldn’t be able to pay the debt, when I couldn’t even afford to buy myself a new television. I had to get a job before I could even start thinking of the debt, but I wouldn’t be able to earn £ 1000 on just one day.
I looked across the road from my window. A woman was locking the door to her shop very carefully and looked nervous around as if she wanted to check nobody was looking. Only a 90-year old lady was walking her little white poodle. Suddenly a thought crossed my mind. I felt genius and young again. I hurried out in the hallway, put on my shoes quickly and ran down the stairway. I ran so fast, I almost fell over a big rock, which was in front of the street door to the block. I picked it up. No one was on the street, as it was around half past ten. Only the probably deaf, old woman, who was walking very slowly with her dog.

I felt adrenalin pump in my brain. I concentrated so much on my aim; I was almost hit by a taxi, which was driving way too fast. The car beeped and squealed as it brake and glide some distance along the roadway. I was chocked and I heard the driver swear at me as he drove away with an open window, without stopping. “God damn it. Fucking bastard” I shouted. What an idiot! Suddenly so many aggressions mounted up in me. Everything went wrong now. I owed a huge amount of debt to an old friend I hadn’t seen for decades, I knew no one, everyone knew who I was and what I’d been accused for, I had no money, no job, no education and no love. I felt the rock in my hand and looked at the shop in front of me. I squeezed the stone, tried to stop myself, but then I threw it. Threw it into the big shop window. I heard the sound of thousand fragments of glass hitting the ground. My plan had be to rub the shop to get the money I owed, but instead I panicked and hurried away. But then I heard the voice of the old lady “Stop the thief. Stop. Help!” I turned around. Didn’t know what to do. I ran towards her, and she stopped shouting. I was very frustrated because I still hadn’t got any money. Before I knew, I was checking out her pockets for money and she was standing still with her hands in the air. I felt my heart beating fast and hard. The look of anxiety in her eyes scared me too, so I quickly took her wallet and rushed away. On my way up the stairway I realized what I had done. It was terrible. Who was I? Just a couple of hours ago I had promised myself to never commit a crime again, and what had I just committed? There was nothing to do, but to hope, that I wouldn’t get arrested again.
I was in my lonely apartment again. Someone must have called cops, because I heard sirens. I checked the wallet I’d stolen from the old lady. There was £ 500 in it. Not enough to pay my debt, but at least the half.

I sat up all night in my armchair, following the investigation of the crime by my window, just waiting for the cops to ring my doorbell. I must have been sitting in the chair for hours before I fell asleep, but I woke when I heard some one knocking on my door. I panicked again and heard some loud voices outside the door. “Please open the door” a male voice shouted. At first I wanted to hide, but then I pulled myself together and realized the fact, that I there was nothing to do. I opened the door and outside 3 cops and the old lady was standing. “Gerry Conlon. It’s 4.56 A.M. and you are arrested for robbery against this lady” “You lying piece of shit! You’re all creeps and fools. Crap! I hate you cops!” I couldn’t control myself. I felt like the whole world was against me as I was taken down to the blinking police car. As I was taken into the car I looked at my reflection in the car window. It had always been hard to face the sinner, but it was blindly, when the sinner was me.