Rettelse af dansk-engelsk oversættelse

Lige en kort tekst på dansk, der skal oversættes til engelsk. Den skal snart afleveres, så vil meget gerne have hvis en lige kunne hjælpe mig med at rette fejlene? (:


Den danske tekst ser således ud:
The Shining Mountain er et moderne eventyr om en far, der vil have, at hans datter skal være ligeså hårdfør, stolt og stærk, som han er. Hun må ikke være ligesom de andre almindelige piger i Skotland. Hun skal være usædvanlig. Pigen er bange for at skuffe sin far, der er en berømt bjergbestiger. Da faderen tager hende med til the Shining Mountain, fortæller hun ham derfor ikke at hun er bange, træt og svag. Til sidst, da bjerggudinden får faderen til at tro, at han har mistet sin datter, fordi hun var bange for at skuffe ham, forstår han sin fejltagelse. Da han bryder sammen og græder, skammer Pangma-La sig ikke længere, og nu er hun ikke længere bange for at skuffe sin far.

Min oversættelse ser således ud:
The Shining Mountain is a modern fairytale about a father, who wants his daughter to be just as tough, proud, and strong as he is. She is not allowed be like the other ordinary girls in Scotland. She has to be unusual. The girl is afraid of disappointing her father, who is a famous mountaineer. That is why she does not tell him that she is afraid, weary and weak, when he takes her to the Shining Mountain. In the end, when the mountain goddess makes the father believe that he has lost his daughter, because she was afraid of disappointing him, he understands his mistake. When he breaks down and cries, Pangma-La does no longer feel ashamed and is no longer afraid of disappointing her father.