Ret min engelsk stil

Jeg synes nu, den ser ret god ud, fandt lige noget her:

The father is in conflict with himself, because he has a father who is from another generation. He loves Eula but he gets another women pregnant, and knows he can’t leave her.

Længere har jeg egentlig ikke studeret den

okay, tusind tak for din hjælp. det er altid rart når der er mennesker som gider se ens ting igennem når man har brug for det.

Hej caroline_90 

Her er din tekst i rettet tilstand. 

Dit engelske er bestemt ikke dårligt, men nogle detaljer må du nok arbejde med.

<span style="font-size:28.0pt;line-height: 150%;mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Mule Killers

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Time changes and life goes on. The future can be difficult to deal with sometimes. People make mistakes, especially when they are young and in love. It is a shock when young teenagers become pregnant by accident and even harder if one of them is in love with someone else. In a world with change and progress, the situation gets even more complex. (t)This is some of the themes we are dealing with in the short story “Mule Killers” by Lydia Peelle. </o:p>

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The story is set in a farming area in America at the time where modern machinery reached the farms in Nashville. Tractors started to take over the farming and were therefore (setting) putting mules out of work. The narrator’s grandfather “(<span style="font-size:11.0pt;line-height:150%;mso-ansi-language: EN-US">…) goes to Nashville and buys two International Harvester tractors for eighteen hundred dollars, cash (…)”. </o:p>

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In the story we (are) deal(ing) with (theme like) love, jealously, sadness and the relationship between the three generations. </o:p>

The father is deeply in love with a girl(,) and has been for the most of his life. This is very unfortunate, since the girl he loves, Eula Parker, doesn’t seem to notice him at all. This whole race of him trying to get her attention ends (up) with him getting disappointed, heart-broken, and having sex with one of her friends from church. This woman, referred to as the pale haired girl, ends up accidently becoming the mother of his child – the narrator. It is harshly explained, how their time together was just a process of him trying to get over Eula. (Like) As the narrator says(,) when the father takes the woman to the hayloft: “… Any place that was dark and quiet for long enough that my father could desperately try to summon Eula’s face…” </o:p>

As the father tells his story to the narrator, there’s a constant, almost unexplainable sadness about the way he (is) tells(ing) it. When he had to deliver the message to the grandfather, he was nervous like never before, and the grandfather doesn’t support him when saying, “This is wrong, he says. Repeats it. You got no choice but to take care of it. This is wrong”.  Probably not the kind of support, that any child could might have hoped for from his father. He is not the type of man who would have a child without (a great) good reason and a (solid) lasting relationship. He has great faith in his son, but prays to (T)the Lord for help when he realised(zing) that his son (is) was to have(ing) a (child) baby (so young) at such an early age. Not exactly the kind of future he had planned for him.

Another very important theme is the relationship between the generations. The father is (in) having a conflict with himself(,) because (he has) his own (a) father (who) is (from) of a(nother) different generation.  He loves Eula, but (he gets) makes another women (pregnant) with child, and he knows he can’t (leave) just abandon her. The grandfather is a strong and religious man. He works hard and (he is trying) tries to move (along) with the progress of society(,) and because he knows the mule killers are coming, he goes out and buys two (i)International (h)Harvester trucks. He knows where things are heading and he prepares for (the industrializing) an industrialised future. He is a very caring father and wants the best for his son. His son has possibilities that he never had and some he can’t even imagine. He is probably from (a time) the days when(re) people married out of duty, lived (out) their lives (the places) where they were born and (had) took on whatever jobs their parents had. He is shattered when all the dreams he had for his son fall(s) apart. He has had a tough day, first a (“hand”) farmhand is seriously injured in a tractor accident and later there is a car accident on a bridge. On (T)that day he (has seen) saw so much damage and misery(,) that when he (comes) came home he (is) was just happy (that he has) to have a healthy son with so many opportunities. Then suddenly his 18 year old son (has) is forced  to marry a woman he doesn’t love, have a child he doesn’t want and (has to) live a life he never expected to live. The son, although he doesn’t want to(, but he) ends up marrying the girl(,) because his father (said so) told him to and because he found it to be (it’s) the right thing. </o:p>

I think the title “Mule Killers” should be read (in conjunction) with a thought of the generations. The Grandfather is from a generation (were you used) with mules and agriculture. Now the time has (been) changed, and machinery industries have taken over. Maybe the grandfather can’t accept how much (the) times (is) have changed. The old norms and values and views on (about) (being married before having a child,)  premarital pregnancy (is extremely been broken) have been given up entirely. Now it’s up to (you) the idividual (: if you don’t want a baby, you can) whether to have an abortion if a coming baby is unwanted) , or (you can have a baby)to let the baby be born (before the marriage) even if you are not married. (So) For this reason I think it is difficult for the grandfather to accept (how) the new times (has been changed), and (even) also how even more terrible it would be(,) if the grandson was to be born(e) into this (“new times”) new age. </o:p>

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 P.S.

Det hedder da "min engelske stil".

  Fjern parentesen efter  "if a coming baby is unwanted",      -mit sjusk !

tusind tak for dine rettelser .

der er stadig fejl i, men det vil der næsten altid være, når den er så lang, prøv at skrive den ren, ¨så retter jeg

 Fejl ?  hm...  mon dog ??

ja, jo jeg har overset at  " at the time where modern machinery" skal være " at the time WHEN........"

-og der er også kommet parenteser som ikke skulle være der omkring "otherwise" i "an (perfect) (otherwise) perfectly tidy garden.

Derudover er der nok ikke fejl i stykket.

I stedet for: "ends (up) with him getting disappointed," ville jeg sige: ends (up) by him getting disappointed,

 Nå,  ville du det ?  Tjaa, der kan man jo bare se.

-det skulle du nu ikke for det ville betyde noget andet end hvad der er ment.  

"by" indikerer et middel, og det er der ikke tale om her.

Nå, det her er børnesprog: "ends (up) with him getting disappointed", der skal ikke noget "with", så dygtig er du altså heller ikke Stygotius, som du vil have vi skal tro, jeg har allerede påpeget adskillige fejl hos dig, men du er vel for stolt til at indrømme dine fejl, hvilket selvfølgelig er dumt.

Næste gang starter du med at rette engelsk, og så retter jeg dit.

 "der skal ikke noget "with" ????  Nå for søren, så det skal der ikke, ........hmm, javel.

Det vil sige at vi skal sige  "ends him getting disappointed", hmm, jaså, -det kan vi da godt: Så har det bare ikke særlig meget  med engelsk at gøre.

"Børnesprog'" ?? Hvem har talt om børnesprog ?  Denne besked er vist noget forvirret. Der er ikke rigtig hoved eller hale på den.

Og lige en anden ting, stygotius (Svend Jansen er det vist ikke?). Det er ikke meningen, at man skal vise, hvad man selv kan. Man skal med andre ord ikke oversætte det hele for eleven, men blot påpege fejl. Du kan for eksempel bruge klammer eller fed skrift. Eleverne lærer ikke noget af få det hele på et sølvfad.

Hej igen .

tusind tak for jeres rettelser. Jeg har forstået T der stadig er fejl i, men som sagt vil der nok altid være det. 

venlig hilsen

*det

 Nej, caroline, der er ingen fejl i den lange rettelse af dit stykke. Du kan roligt bruge det.

det lyder godt. jeg har os afleveret den (og hvis der er et par enkelte fejl i så er det os ligegyldigt :) tak for hjælpen.