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Hjælp til at rette essay

26. september 2009 af hyggenyggemygge (Slettet) - Niveau: A-niveau

Hej jeg har skrevet et essay. og vil høre om der er nogle som gad eller havde tid til at se den igennem for diverse fejl?
Jeg vil sætte stor pris på hvis der var nogen som orkede. ha en dejlig aften.

Whose Fault Is It?

Marilyn Manson’s article "Whose Fault Is It" describes gun violence in today's society.
Manson probably wrote this article to stop people from blaming teenage violence on his music.

In his article on Columbine is in defence of himself concerning the blame from the media for the shootings in Littleton, Colorado. His points he brought up in his defence, is not what you expected. When we hear about Marilyn Manson and his music, most of us only think about the death and hell. His music scares many people, because it is very dark and the tone in the music is not what many are used to. People, who don’t like his music don’t really expect him to have that kind of outlook on things. Already in the start of his article he brings the subject religion up. He is the self proclaimed Antichrist and bringing religion into such a heated subject to begin with was very courageous. Overall I think that his main point is that art, namely music, is not to blame for society's problems. Instead we should look into our values and teaches as a country.

When something happens as a school shooting, you want to blame someone. You know it was the child or children who did it, but why? There must be a meaning, when a child can do such an awful thing, go shooting on a school. The United States, blame a lot different kinds of things, who could triggered example gun shootings. In the story ____ we hear what could have triggered the gun shootings. We see violence every day, in movies, in games and so on and we hear it again over and over in the Medias. This is some of the reasons The United States of America can blame. But maybe there also can be other opportunities than the Medias and so on. Maybe the child, who shoots at the school, have been neglected and no one could understood it. The child was not like the other children, but instead scared and not loved by the family as the other were.

When we compare this to Marylyn Manson’s article, the blame goes to Manson’s music and his icon as a roll model. As he says in his article “America loves to find an icon to hang its guilt on” and you could indeed say so. People tend to associate anyone who looks and behaves differently with illegal or immoral activity. In the article Marilyn try to tell the society not to judging someone you don’t know. You always have to come in on the person, before you can judges.

In some of the last sections, he writes about a song he has made called “Get Your Gunn”, he tells how people get upset about it, course of the title. But if you really look at the title, you see it not means a gun, but a name Gunn. The song was a relation to the murder of Dr. David Gunn, who was killed in Florida by pro-life activists while Manson was living there. That is what people do, judging without knowing everything.

After all, the big subject now is how we can prevent everything like AIDS, world war and so on. But as Marilyn mentioned in his article, we live in a free country, but whit that freedom there is a burden of personal responsibility. There is no wonder, why kids are growing up more distrustful. Already from an early age, they get a lot of information in front of them. As Manson mentioned, they are growing up in a world made of bullshit. You can just run, from something you don’t like, you have to take consequences whit you. It is not like the old days, where the world not yet was made of only internet and technology.
People are the same from the birth you have to build an identity up. Through the whole life, you make choices which build your identity up. But you dint choose your own family. Someone are lucky, others are not. You can not just always accuse some of what they have done, you always have to see behind if there is a meaning.

In this article, people accuse Marilyn Manson, for not being good as the teenagers. They think he is a bad roll model, for how he looks and how he behaves. They blame him for the school shootings in Littleton, and accuse him for things he not have done. As said before, you can not blame anyone for something you don’t know.


 


Brugbart svar (0)

Svar #1
27. september 2009 af Erik Morsing (Slettet)

Skal du have den rettet, eller skal du blot have en vurdering af det sproglige, det indholdsmæssige m.v.?


Svar #2
28. september 2009 af hyggenyggemygge (Slettet)

 den rettet. har selv prøvet så godt jeg kan?? 

skal aflevere her til aften inden klokken 24 nemlig. sidder selv og kigger lidt på den nu, og ved ikke rigtig hvad jeg mer skal gøre. kunne være dejligt, med et kig udefra??;-)


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