Engelsk stil. Grammatik og kongurensfejl

01:00 pm svarer til kl. 1 om dagen - altså kl 13:00. Siden du skriver "night" tidligere i sætningen skal klokkeslættet derfor være 01:00 am som svarer til kl 1 (om natten).

Mange tak for den gode opmærksomhed :)

Jeg er ikke sikker på det hele, men jeg synes du skal tjekke det en ekstra gang :-)

The day of Selma’s life, that changed her sight of (er det ikke mere rigtigt at bruge view of) the people who live in the asylum centre in Denmark. They got her sympathy.

It happened on her continuation school in November, last year. The night was dark and Selma was on her way to bed. Her roommate Stine and she sat in their bed and spoke late into the night to the clock was nearly 01:00 pm. They only reached one hour sleep, when their teacher barge into the room with a torch and shout (jeg er ikke sikker på det er forkert, men det lyder forkert, synes jeg. passer tiden i hele sætningen?) that their better get up at the bed before the police came. Stine and Selma got hasted their clothes on and ran outside, where they should meet the remainder schoolmates.

The students hadn’t got their night clothes off and were freezing, so their lips almost were (jeg mener, at man ikke må skille to be fra subjektet - jeg ville skrive were almost) blue. Everyone was delivered a ticket to the train and in the meantime the headmaster spoke about the journey through Denmark.
The meaning of the idea was that the students should learn how it is to be an asylum seeker and how it feels to travel around in an unknown country.

Stine and Selma sat in their first train. They didn’t know where they were going and they didn’t know how to come back. Selma was feeling cold, irritated and a little scary (skræmmende eller skræmt? tror du mener scared) of what the dark night would offer. They wanted to ask someone on the train where they were, but there wasn’t anyone in there. Fortunately, they knew that they should get off the train after four stops.

It was dark and the only light they could see was from the tracks. The kiosk on the railway was closed, so they couldn’t even buy something to eat. The station was named Ribe, and the cold, sticky and not at all comfortable bench didn’t make it better. Selma lay on the bench with her jacket on, while Stine was counted (was counting?) the minutes to the next train. Selma felt the first time in her life helpless and humiliated of the clothes she wore and the way she laid on the bench. But together they found out that their next train went on two hours (mener du om to timer = in two hours).
It was hard and perhaps a bit dangerous to fall asleep at the railway, but they did.

They woke up five minutes before the train left. In a hurry they took their jackets on and ran! They reach (skal det ike stå i datid) the train one minute before it left. The time was now four o’clock in the morning. Stine and Selma looked around for a seat, there were surprisingly many with the train (tror det er bedre at sige in the train), so they asked a young lady where the train was going. “Copenhagen” She said. Stine and Selma looked at each other. Selma was desperate; she believed they had taken the wrong train. Selma looked for the ticket collector and after a half hour, she found him. “We will only stop once at Nyborg, Before Copenhagen train station. We’ll be there in three minutes.” He said. Selma hastened fetched Stine and together they got off the train at Nyborg station.

It was warm, comfortable and safe in the bus and the bus driver had promised them to tell where they should get off. Stine smiled to Selma while they felled (jeg mener at datidsformen bare er fell) asleep again.

The day of Selma’s life (ingen komma foran that) that changed her sight of the people who live in the asylum centre in Denmark. They got her sympathy.

It happened on her continuation school in November, last year. The night was dark and Selma was on her way to bed. Her roommate Stine and she sat in their bed and spoke late into the night to the clock was nearly 01:00 pm am. They only reached (reach betyder at nå, men lyder dårligt i denne sammenhæng) got one hour sleep (ingen komma foran when) when their teacher barge barged (datid) (du kan også bruge et helt andet ord som fx burst into) into the room with a torch and shout shouted that their they better get up at  from the bed before the police came. Stine and Selma got hasted - hvad mener du helt præcist med dette ord? Kunne ikke finde det i en ordbog... quickly their clothes on and ran outside (ingen komma) where they should meet the remainder of their schoolmates.

The students hadn’t got their night clothes off and were freezing, so their lips almost were blue. Everyone was delivered a ticket to the train and in the meantime the headmaster spoke about the journey through  (a)cross Denmark.
The meaning of the idea was that the students should learn how it is to be an asylum seeker and how it feels to travel around in an unknown country.

Stine and Selma sat in their  went by the first train. They didn’t know where they were going, (2 hovedsætning der forbindes med and, or, but = komma) and they didn’t know how to come back. Selma was feeling cold, irritated and a little scary of what the dark night would offer how the dark night would be. They wanted to ask someone on the train where they were, but there wasn’t anyone in there. Fortunately, they knew that they should get off the train after four stops.

It was dark and the only light they could see was from the tracks. The kiosk on the railway was closed, so they couldn’t even buy something to eat. The station was named Ribe, and the cold, sticky and not at all comfortable bench didn’t make it better. Selma lay on the bench with her jacket on, while Stine was counted counting the minutes to the next train. Selma felt for the first time in her life helpless and humiliated of the clothes she wore and the way she laid  laid er præteritum af verbet to lay, som på dansk betyder lægge og ikke ligge, derfor lay  on the bench. But together they found out that their next train went on  går ud fra du mener om på dansk - det oversættes på engelsk til in two hours.
It was hard and perhaps a bit dangerous to fall asleep at the railway, but they did.

They woke up five minutes before the train left. In a hurry they took their jackets on and ran! They reach reached the train one minute before it left. The time was now four o’clock in the morning. Stine and Selma looked around for a seat, ville bruge . istedet there There were surprisingly many with the train, so they asked a young lady where the train was going. “Copenhagen” She said "Copenhagen", she said. Stine and Selma looked at each other. Selma was desperate; she believed they had taken the wrong train. Selma looked for the ticket collector and after a half hour, she found him. “We will only stop once at Nyborg, Before    before Copenhagen train station. We’ll be there in three minutes.” He said minutes," he said. Selma hastened fetched Stine and together they got off the train at Nyborg station.

It was warm, comfortable and safe in the bus, and the bus driver had promised them to tell where they should get off. Stine smiled to Selma while they felled fall, fell, fallen asleep again.