meget kort engelsk stil, der skal rettes

Check kongruenserne:
marriage is, ikke are
all those expectations give, ikke gives
many go, ikke goes
parents are, ikke parent
Enkelte stavefejl:
choose, ikke chose
integrated, ikke ingrated
don't, ikke dont
therefore, ikke therefor
lot of expectations, ikke expectation
two, ikke to
Undgå:
won't, erstat med will not
that, erstat med who
function good, erstat med function
well
Danismer som fyld:
Therefore it makes it, erstat med Therefore it's
go against, erstat med resist
Erstat some med some of the young ethnics eller tilsvarende. Hvis du bruger somebody, husk da 3. person ental og -s på udsagnsordene i nutid.
Tilføj:
And in many situations (you) are

Ok her er min rettelse, men har ikke rettet kommaer (eller mangel på lignende), da jeg selv stinker til tegnsætning:
Many of those ethnic young people who lives and have been raised in the West find it very hard to live a normal life. There are so many problems about having a different background and a different culture. You live in two worlds and you have to fit in in both of them. But it’s not always so easy to be accepted in both cultures. On one hand the society has a lot of expectations for you. You need to know everything about its culture, traditions and language and you need to be a part of those. On the other hand your parents have a lot of expectations for you. According to them you are not allowed to give up your culture and background so they expect you to live in the same way as they did back in their country. If arranged marriages are a part of their culture they don't question you about it but think that it is their right to choose your partner and future. All those expectations gives the young people a lot of problems. Many of them steps into a marriage they’re not happy about, but they are just not able to stand against all the pressure. So as a foreigner you have to sacrifice and accept a lot, and is in many situations forced to do things that you don’t understand, because your parents have already integrated their cultural values and they of course want you to have the same values. Ethnic parents are also afraid of losing their children to a foreign culture which they can’t understand and are afraid of. It is normal to be afraid of things you don't know much about and try to protect yourself from the unknown. Therefore it makes it difficult for the youth, because they have to choose between two cultures and no matter what they choose they can't win. Fortunately some finds a happy in-between (den gyldne middelvej) and takes the best from both cultures and understands how to fulfill their own wishes, and at the same time keeping the values from their background and functions good in society.

Der kan findes nogle ret gode kommaregler til engelsk her på studieportalen.dk

Dem dragede jeg stor nytte af til skriftlig engelsk.