Rettelse af kort tekst

Fin struktur, men husk at inddel det i afsnit!! Det ser pænere ud, og det er lettere at læse. Så er læseren heller ikke i tvivl om hvor i abstractet, vedkommende er i.
Der er nogle sproglige vansligheder. 

This study investigates the word hooliganism and its development in England since the beginning of this phenomenon. Moreover, I will analyze the movie... Slet moreover. Du starter på en hel ny sætning og det giver ikke mening, at skrive moreover her. 

Husk komma efter ord som "furthermore, I ...." "Afterwards, I ....." Din mening med de kommaer er at få læseren til at holde en kort pause, efter at læse ordet. Det får det til at lyde pænere ved oplæsning. 

...and find out what motivation they each have to go into such a subculture - lyder mystisk

I started to explain - forkert form i explain. Skriv: explaining

At last I...... at last I.... - du skriver det her stort set lige efter hinanden, hvilket ikke lyder så godt

I found out = skriger af dansk formulering "Jeg fandt ud af" du mangler bare ordet of for direkte at oversætte den danskesætning... Skriv bare "I found that..." . Derudover skriver du det mange steder. Prøv at varierer med: I discovered that / I learned that 

Derudover er jeg i tvivl om hvor personlig du må skrive den. Du skriver meget "I", hvor man nok skulle skrive "the study", ligesom du gør det i starten. Jeg mener ikke, at vi måtte gøre vores abstracts personlige, da min klasse skrev SRP. 

Brug: The study examines, discovers, analyzes, concludes osv. Gør det mere formelt. 

Tak er kun et fattigt ord! Jeg har faktisk lige netop nu slettet alle "I" så den ikke er personlig, men resten du skrev var verdensklasse, tak!

This study investigates the word hooliganism and its development in England since the beginning of this phenomenon.
The movie “Greet Street Hooligans” by Lexi Alexander has been analyzed by looking at the protagonists to find out what motivation they each have to go into such a subculture. Furthermore, this paper will discuss and assess the question “is hooliganism a conscious choice?” by using the work of Anthony Giddens, Ulrich Bech and Thomas Ziehe’s ideologue. This study starts to explain the word hooliganism and furthermore, see how it has developed by using websites and the book “Kategori C” by Peter Grønlund.
Afterwards, an analysis of the movie has been completed to find the answer for the motivation of hooliganism. Parallels are drawn from the ideologues of Giddens, Bech and Ziehe.
Having completed this project I discovered that hooliganism has turned to a negative and dynamic subculture. Hooliganism is nowadays an organized phenomenon which is hard to break down by the authorities. During my work with “Green Street Hooligans” I learned that every person in this subculture finds security, friendship and all has a strong common belief. Finally I compared ideologues by the aforementioned theorists to find out that hooliganism both can be chosen by yourself, but also a minority you can be pushed against.

Var det bedre?

fint :)

The movie “Greet Street Hooligans” by Lexi Alexander has been analyzed by looking at the protagonists to find out what motivation they each had to go into such a subculture

Uheldig formulering: This study starts to explain the word hooliganism and furthermore, see how it has developed by using websites and the book “Kategori C” by Peter Grønlund.   Det er ikke klart hvem det er, der bruger de websider her. Om det er rapporten, der har brugt dem til at belyse udviklingen (som du nok mener) eller om det er hooliganisme, der har brugt websiderne til at udvikle sig. 

Derudover bør du skrive: This study also explains the word hooliganism and furthermore, examines how it has developed by using websites and the book “Kategori C” by Peter Grønlund. for at gøre det mere flydende. 

Afterwards, an analysis of the movie was made in order to find the answer for the motivation of hooliganism.

Din sidste del er stadig for personlig. Læserne af din aflevering er interesserede i, hvad der står i opgaven, ikke hvad du fik ud af den. Du skal forestille dig, at en person undersøger, om det han/hun leder efter står i netop din opgave. 

Sådan:

This study investigates the word hooliganism and its development in England since the beginning of this phenomenon.
The movie “Greet Street Hooligans” by Lexi Alexander has been analyzed by looking at the protagonists to find out what motivation they each had to go into such a subculture. Furthermore, this paper will discuss and assess the question “is hooliganism a conscious choice?” by using the work of Anthony Giddens, Ulrich Bech and Thomas Ziehe’s ideologue. This study also explains the word hooliganism and furthermore, examines how it has developed by using websites and the book “Kategori C” by Peter Grønlund.
Afterwards, an analysis of the movie was made in order to find the answer for the motivation of hooliganism. Parallels are drawn from the ideologues of Giddens, Bech and Ziehe.
Having completed this project I discovered that hooliganism has turned to a negative and dynamic subculture. Hooliganism is nowadays an organized phenomenon which is hard to break down by the authorities. At last the movie “Green Street Hooligans” gave answer to the question about that every person in this subculture finds security, friendship and all has a strong common belief.
Finally the study compared ideologues by the aforementioned theorists to find out that hooliganism both can be chosen by yourself, but also a minority you can be pushed against.

,

Mvh

Endnu bedre, men der er stadig lidt, kan jeg se.

Jeg lagde lige mærke til, at du hopper rundt i tiderne. The study investigates, Has been analyzed / this paper will discuss and assess / This study also explains (her skriver du så i nutid igen) osv. Prøv at holde det en nutid. 

Derudover hedder det "...that hooliganism can both be chosen by yourself..."

er der nogle fejl stadig:

This study investigates the word hooliganism and its development in England since the beginning of this phenomenon.
The movie “Greet Street Hooligans” by Lexi Alexander is analyzed by looking at the protagonists to find out what motivation they each had to go into such a subculture. Furthermore, this paper will discuss and assess the question “is hooliganism a conscious choice?” by using the work of Anthony Giddens, Ulrich Bech and Thomas Ziehe’s ideologue. This study also explains the word hooliganism and furthermore, examines how it has developed by using websites and the book “Kategori C” by Peter Grønlund.
Afterwards, an analysis of the movie was made in order to find the answer for the motivation of hooliganism. Parallels are drawn from the ideologues of Giddens, Bech and Ziehe.
Having completed this project I discovered that hooliganism has turned to a negative and dynamic subculture. Hooliganism is nowadays an organized phenomenon which is hard to break down by the authorities. At last the movie “Green Street Hooligans” gave answer to the question about that every person in this subculture finds security, friendship and all has a strong common belief.
Finally this study compares ideologues by the aforementioned theorists to find out that hooliganism can both be chosen by yourself, but also a minority you can be pushed against.

Mvh