Lille stil - er du frisk på at rette? :)

Der er en del grammatiske fejl og forkert ordvalg.

To the person who finds this bottle:

I’m so glad that you have found my message…

First I’m going to tell you exactly who I am. My name is Samantha Landon, but everyone use to call me Sam. I was born in December 1973  and I live in Maine, America USA , and to be more prissily precisely at 1210 east E Cliff Rd., Bar Harbor. I have a 12-year old girl, named Carly Rose Landon. She means the world to me, she’s my guardian angel.

Today I ‘am 30 years old and a U.S. Marine. For many that are is hard to believe and even I think it’s difficult to imagine until I ‘am actually in the middle of the war. You see, that’s how it all started. I was on my third mission to Iraq. It was in the morning after a night raid. We have had been shooting all night and the screams is were still stoke stuck in my head. The sun set (it is morning, so the sun is about to rise, not to set) beautifully and we were waiting for our next deployment. I was looking at a picture of my daughter that she gave me before I left. I remember her whispering “keep this safe, mum”. Since that, I have always kept it close to me. While looking at the picture a major explosion happened, it was an attack by the Iraqi army’s. I got lifted several miles away (don't exaggerate that much here). I saw my friends and colleagues got killed, but I was still alive. It seemed was impossible and I knew it had to be because of the picture of my daughter. she‘s my guardian angel. Laying  Lying there on the ground i I knew I own owed my daughter everything that I had to my daughter. Afterwards I got kidnapped by the Iraqi army’s; they left me stranded me on an island in the middle of nowhere. I am It is freezing cold at night and boiling hot at day. I ‘am living by from whatever food that I can possible possibly can find. It’s It has now been 30 days ago and I only wish to come home to my daughter. Luckily I did manage to find a pen and some paper in my pocket since I right wrote a diary in my days of war. I don’t know if I will ever come home again. So it is really important to me that you do this (whoever you are). I need you to find my daughter Carly Rose Landon and give her the other letter in the bottle to my daughter. She is supposed to live on at the address I wrote earlier. But if she doesn’t, I mean since I don’t know how long it will take before anyone finds this, then go to the police and have them find her. That is all I’m asking.

Thank you so much,

Samantha

#0,1 

Andersen11's forslag er ganske udmærket, men der er alligevel nogle småfejl rundt omkring - det hører dog til petitesserne.

Bl.a. 
                                           
                                                       "12-year old girl"     →   "12-year-old girl"
                                                       "For many"             →    "For many people"
"I remember her whispering “keep this safe, mum”        →    "I remember her whispering, “Keep this safe, mum”
                                                       "Since that"             → "Since then" el. "Since that episode"

"(...), but everyone use to call me Sam"                          → "(...) , but everyone calls me Sam" 

(Denne sætning gik vist lidt stærkt, formoder jeg :-) )

Enkelte steder er der adverbialer til stede i starten af sætningen, og så sætter man et komma efter dette, fx efter ord som "luckily", "today", "first" og "aftewards". 

Så er jeg vist færdig med at lege gramma-nazi. :-)

Or grammar-Nazi, for that matter.

Tuuusind taak for de grammatiske obseveringer!!

Som det kan anes er det gået lidt stærk med, at skrive stilen.

Meget brugbart !!

ser det bedere ud?

nogle der kan hjælpe mig med komatering? :)

bedre*

#3
Ak og ve, man skal åbenbart holde sig til engelsk slang herinde for at holde folk som rakijovic eller Stygotius væk herfra med deres latterlige og ligegyldige kommentarer. 


 

I forlængelse af #7:

På dansk er konstruktionen som angivet i #3 mulig, når der er tale om sammensætninger med sidestillede led.
Hvis du insisterer på at fortsætte diskussionen, skal du være hjerteligt velkommen til at sende mig en privatbesked herinde. 

#7,

Hvordan kan det på nogen måde være min fejl at du ikke kan stave til grammar?

#9

På engelsk er det ganske vist rigtigt, at man skriver grammar. Det er blot sørgeligt, at både du og Stygotius ikke har noget bedre at tage jer til - især når rettelserne som oftest ikke er berettigede. 
På dansk er det ganske almindeligt i visse kredse at skrive gramma som en art forkortelse (vel og mærke i talesprog, sms-sprog, essayistisk sprogbrug etc.) af ordet grammatik.
Så det med at kunne stave eller ej har vel næppe nogen relevans.