Rette engelsk stil (2g)

Læg den ind her, så kigger nogen på den.

Ja, men den kan vel spores, hvis jeg lægge der ud her på forum? Foretrækker at sende den...

Ja, men på den anden side, så er rettelser på Studieportalen til gavn for alle brugere.
Hvis du mener, at din lærer vil betragte det som snyd, at du får rettet opgaven her på Stodieportalen, så aflever den, som den er.
Hvem ved, måske er du en af mine elever!!

A Good Night's Sleep

Every big city has at least one problem in common: Vagrancy. The vagrant of this short story is a young junkie, trying to get sleep in a Midlothian stairway. George Lockhart, being main character, is our only source and thus the point of view is limited to him. Through him, we learn that the girl is in the early 20'ies, perhaps even younger. Her attitude towards him is very hostile, perhaps a reaction from her previous experiences with aliens. At one time, he offers her his absent sons bed, however, she refuses adverting that he is just doing it for a roll in the hay. Although the story is a 3rd person narrative, we can be almost certain about that we get all of Georges thoughts, after all, the narrator is omniscient. Hence we can conclude that he has no ulterior motive, when he offers the bed. Thus, George is a charitable man. Being a teacher in college, he teaches pupils of her age, therefore he can't let go of her, when he has the oppotunity to do so. His field is social science, in spite of this, he is caught by complete surprise finding a homeless sleeping on his threshold.

The title refers to the main problem of the pricipal figure; He suffers from insomnia. Initially, he is close to fall asleep, but is distirbed by the girl. He gets an oppotunity to get his good night's sleep, when he goes looking for some cigarettes. Even so, he returns to the girl; On the contrary to his neighbours who are indifferent to her situation, he shows concern. His empathy may be due to their similarities, they both suffer from insomnia. His insomnia is mentally caused, whereas her's is caused by povetry. She can't afford to live anywhere decent and is forced to live on the streets. Although, not having tried it, I can imagine that the street life wears you down, making it hard to sleep - especially if your bed is made of concrete.

Another thing the two characters have in common is loneliness. Sometimes, living in a big city means more loneliness than living in a village. George is divorced and his son lives with his mother. However, he sees him in the weekends, but on weekdays he has noone to come home to. It seems as if his work has consumed his life. The junkie is also alone, presumably she travels unaccompanied. This can be changed by George, which the ending alludes to by being an open ending that - more or less - leads us back to the beginning of the story.

This short story depict the problems of the city; the city marginalize people. In this particular story through homelessness and solitude. The author wants to emmerse these issues.

get sleep > get some sleep

being main character > the main character

that the girl > What girl?

in the early 20'ies > in her early 20's (eller twenties)

aliens > strangers (eller mener du rumvæsner?)

At one time > Once


absent sons bed > apostrof+s ved genitiv

certain about that > certain that

all of Georges thoughts > apostrof+s ved genitiv

he offers the bed > "offer" medfører som regel hensynsled på engelsk > he offers her the bed

Being a teacher > as a teacher

pupils of her age > pupil's her age

Being a teacher in college, he teaches pupils of her age, therefore he can't let go of her, when he has the oppotunity to do so > jeg synes, du skal omformulere dette. Du får ham til at lyde som en gammel gris, der bliver besat af alle sine kvindelige elever

Det var første del.

undskyld,

pupils her age

pricipal > du mangler et n

close to fall asleep > close to falling asleep

distirbed > brug din ordbog til at se, hvad der er galt her

He gets an oppotunity > he has an oportunity

get his good night's sleep > get a good night's sleep

he goes looking for > he goes out looking for

Even so > prøv hellere med nevertheless

On the contrary to > det betyder tværtimod. Mener du Opposite?

her's > de possessive pronominer har ikke apostrof > hers

povetry > kig i ordbogen for denne

Det var anden del

Resten kigger jeg på i morgen, hvis ingen andre har gjort det inden.

Hvis ingen gør det, så mind mig lige om det.

Tak skal du have!

Men jeg er dog uenig i din defination af alien, man bør godt kunne bruge aliens i denne sammenhæng:
http://www.wordreference.com/definition/alien

Du har selvfølgelig ret til at være uenig i rettelserne, og i sidste ende er det dig, der skal kunne stå inde for opgaven.
MEN: Ord ændrer betydning. Man kan ikke altid stole på ordbøger, for selvom ordet alien for så vidt blot betyder fremmed/ukendt, så bliver man nødt til at se på, hvordan ordet rent faktisk bliver brugt.
Man bruger kun navneordet alien om mennesker, når der er taler om udenlandske individer (Sting: I'm a legal alien, I'm an Englishman in New York)
Når du taler engelsk som andetsprog, skal du altid prøve at lyde så autentisk som muligt, og det gør du efter min mening bedst ved at nøjes med at bruge navneordet alien om rumvæsner og immigranter.

http://dictionary.cambridge.org/define.asp?key=2039&dict=CALD

Hvis du googler alien, så vil i hvert fald de første 30 stykker handle om rumvæsner (der var ganske få om planter og teknologisk udstyr).

in the weekends > at weekends/on weekends (Am.eng vs. Brit.Eng)

noone > no one

The junkie > mener du pigen? Du har ikke tidligere nævnt, at hun er stofmisbruger.

the city marginalize > kongruens. Her bruger du for øvrigt den (oftest) amerikanske stavemåde, så det bør du tænke over i udtrykket "i weekenden".

wants to emmerse these issues > jeg er ikke helt klar over, om du vil bruge immerse eller emerge. Begge ord er dog brugt forkert, så måske er det noget helt tredje, du mener?

På trods af en del fejl, så synes jeg du bruger et meget fint sprog.

Jeg takker igen og takker også for de fine ord. Årsagen til de (nogle) mange fejl ligger nok i at jeg har brugt WordPad - ikke ligefrem et særligt pædagogisk program, mange af fejlene burde jeg ikke have lavet... :/

Men ang. det med the junkie, så står det faktisk allerøverst i teksten :)

Den sidste rettelse (emmerse), der skulle gerne står noget i retningen af at kaste lys over... hvad skal man skrive? Synes at throw light on er lidt for... simpelt

Du har ret i junkie-delen, det havde jeg overset.

Throw light on ville helt sikkert virke her, men hvis du hellere vil bruge et andet udtryk, hvad så med
The authour wants the reader to be aware of these issues
eller
The author wants to discuss these issues
eller
These are the issues the author focuses on
eller
These issues are the focus of the author's agenda

Mulighederne er uendelige