Write an answer in English to the dog walker using formal and grammatically correct language:
Hey Rich-Ass dog owners:
Are you at the office 23 hours a day in a coke-fueled effort to squeeze every penny out of your 20s and 30s?
Are you going out of town after the divorce with your girlfriend to visit your slave ship collection in Barbados?
I AM YOUR DOG WALKER.
I am the most radical, bitchin’ mind-blowing dog-walking experience in all of the New York City. All dogs are STOKED when I’m around, regardless of breed or sex.
Do I have experience walking dogs?
OFF COURSE I HAVE EXPERIENCE WALKING DOGS! THIS ISN’T LINEAR ALGEBRA, FOLKS, IT’S DOG-WALKING.
Forget the agencies. I will walk your dog for less money, and I’m not some weirdo art school dropout who claims to be “in sub-verbal communication” with your dog. I’m just a guy who wants your money and will walk with your dog to get it.
So, if you’re interested in the dopest, most swagged-out LEGEND OF THE UNIVERSE dog-walking champion of New York City, reply to this ad and we will make your dog more happy than a Mormon on his honeymoon.
So, act now, and write me. I’m excited to meet you and your dog, and I’m pretty sure your dog is excited to meet me too!
Serious inquiries only, please.