Engelsk
Stil.
11. juni 2006 af
Lazhamza (Slettet)
Hej:D
Jeg har denne problem, at det er første gang jeg nogensinde har skrevet engelsk stil. Så jeg vil meget gerne have nogen til at rette min stil. Stilen er omkring 1 side.
Jeg har denne problem, at det er første gang jeg nogensinde har skrevet engelsk stil. Så jeg vil meget gerne have nogen til at rette min stil. Stilen er omkring 1 side.
Svar #1
11. juni 2006 af Lazhamza (Slettet)
Stilen:
My future
If you really want to hear about my future, the first thing you will probably want to know is who I am. I am a boy who lives in Roskilde. My first name is Hamza, and my last name is Bayram. I am born in Denmark, in Roskilde, which is in the island Zealand, in 1991. My native country is Turkey, North Turkey. I am 15 years old about two weeks, and I study in the 8. grade in the school. The rest of my identity is not so interesting, so I shall begin to tell you about my future. I mean my plan of my future.
The most important goals are:
1. Have a beautiful, gorgeous and nice wife. She must be sweet, and it is important that she have a good heart. My wife and I must have a good relationship with my wife and the other family members.
2. Have a good education.
3. Be a good, nice and a very good-hearted man. I want to be respectful for other living been.
Now a good detailed tale of my plan. The first and the nearest goal are, to be finish with the 9. grade with good marks and pass the exams with good marks. After I have been finished with the school, I relax the whole summer long. And when the grammar school starts, I will study as hell.
After the grammar I would love to study law, and when I’m in the lawyer section, will I be ambitious to get a lawyer diploma and licence. But even if I studying and working, will I never ever cut the relationship to my family, even if I moved to a house which was hundreds of kilometre away from my family.
Anyway, once I get a lawyer job in secure, will I definitely marry me and have children. I will work hard to be a good husband and a good father. I will read histories to my kids, play with them, buy toys to them and so long. With my wife, I will love her to the dead takes me. I will make her laugh, smile; make her happy every day, buy all the romantic stuffs to her and so long.
In my job, I shall just prosecute others if my accuser is honest and if he has the right to sue the guilty and I shall just protect the innocent who not did anything and if the accuser lies about my client. Another thing is that I would never take any bribe.
So the reason for I want to study to be a lawyer in my future, is to fight for the justice. Because in the days we all living at, the lies, the injustice and the arrogance, have the control of the world. There isn’t so many groups that doesn’t do these horrible things like the groups that does. The good people will always be under my protection in law. I will always help them
Now we are going to have a look on my satisfying plan. When I get a good lawyer job, which has a good pay, will I buy my dream car. Ford Mustang GT. This car has been in my head for five years now, and I really want it. This car has it all. Just name something, and I will definitely point at the car. I don’t want to have these great houses, many cars and so long. It is waste of money. I could give the money to a homeless guy.
And ooh. It is not clear that I going to live after my plan. Because who don’t say that I will die today or tomorrow.
My future
If you really want to hear about my future, the first thing you will probably want to know is who I am. I am a boy who lives in Roskilde. My first name is Hamza, and my last name is Bayram. I am born in Denmark, in Roskilde, which is in the island Zealand, in 1991. My native country is Turkey, North Turkey. I am 15 years old about two weeks, and I study in the 8. grade in the school. The rest of my identity is not so interesting, so I shall begin to tell you about my future. I mean my plan of my future.
The most important goals are:
1. Have a beautiful, gorgeous and nice wife. She must be sweet, and it is important that she have a good heart. My wife and I must have a good relationship with my wife and the other family members.
2. Have a good education.
3. Be a good, nice and a very good-hearted man. I want to be respectful for other living been.
Now a good detailed tale of my plan. The first and the nearest goal are, to be finish with the 9. grade with good marks and pass the exams with good marks. After I have been finished with the school, I relax the whole summer long. And when the grammar school starts, I will study as hell.
After the grammar I would love to study law, and when I’m in the lawyer section, will I be ambitious to get a lawyer diploma and licence. But even if I studying and working, will I never ever cut the relationship to my family, even if I moved to a house which was hundreds of kilometre away from my family.
Anyway, once I get a lawyer job in secure, will I definitely marry me and have children. I will work hard to be a good husband and a good father. I will read histories to my kids, play with them, buy toys to them and so long. With my wife, I will love her to the dead takes me. I will make her laugh, smile; make her happy every day, buy all the romantic stuffs to her and so long.
In my job, I shall just prosecute others if my accuser is honest and if he has the right to sue the guilty and I shall just protect the innocent who not did anything and if the accuser lies about my client. Another thing is that I would never take any bribe.
So the reason for I want to study to be a lawyer in my future, is to fight for the justice. Because in the days we all living at, the lies, the injustice and the arrogance, have the control of the world. There isn’t so many groups that doesn’t do these horrible things like the groups that does. The good people will always be under my protection in law. I will always help them
Now we are going to have a look on my satisfying plan. When I get a good lawyer job, which has a good pay, will I buy my dream car. Ford Mustang GT. This car has been in my head for five years now, and I really want it. This car has it all. Just name something, and I will definitely point at the car. I don’t want to have these great houses, many cars and so long. It is waste of money. I could give the money to a homeless guy.
And ooh. It is not clear that I going to live after my plan. Because who don’t say that I will die today or tomorrow.
Svar #2
12. juni 2006 af TanteOda (Slettet)
Tager det første afsnit: "If you really want to hear about my future..." Idet der er ganske mange problemer i din stil, tager jeg de groveste.
"I am born in Denmark" - I was.. (datid)
"in Roskilde, which is in the island Zealand" - i Sjælland dutter ikke, prøv på.
"I am 15 years old about two weeks" - Prøv hellere: "Om to uger bliver jeg 15"... "In two weeks I will turn 15"
"I study in the 8. grade in the school" - Sæt skole først.. "In school.." og 8. grade skrives 8th grade.
"I mean my plan of my future" - Prøv "future plans" i stedet.
Og det var så første afsnit...
Med god fornøjelse
TanteOda
"I am born in Denmark" - I was.. (datid)
"in Roskilde, which is in the island Zealand" - i Sjælland dutter ikke, prøv på.
"I am 15 years old about two weeks" - Prøv hellere: "Om to uger bliver jeg 15"... "In two weeks I will turn 15"
"I study in the 8. grade in the school" - Sæt skole først.. "In school.." og 8. grade skrives 8th grade.
"I mean my plan of my future" - Prøv "future plans" i stedet.
Og det var så første afsnit...
Med god fornøjelse
TanteOda
Svar #3
12. juni 2006 af Brunsvigeren (Slettet)
Okay, først og fremmest er der en del sætninger, der ikke rigtig giver mening. f.eks.
"My wife and I must have a good relationship with my wife and the other family members"
Det er som om der mangler nogle ord. Det er lidt svært at regne ud hvad du mener. Sådan nogle fejl er der en del af.
En anden ting jeg lagde mærke til var: "...will I definitely marry me"
Du siger, at du vil gifte dig med dig selv. Prøv i stedet: ...will I definitely get married
Held og lykke
"My wife and I must have a good relationship with my wife and the other family members"
Det er som om der mangler nogle ord. Det er lidt svært at regne ud hvad du mener. Sådan nogle fejl er der en del af.
En anden ting jeg lagde mærke til var: "...will I definitely marry me"
Du siger, at du vil gifte dig med dig selv. Prøv i stedet: ...will I definitely get married
Held og lykke
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